Are Rules Designed For Safety or To Piss You Off?

Some people plan things for weeks and some people plan things for years. Whether you are planning a wedding for 36 weeks or whether you are trying to forecast the future for a Fortune 500 company, it is never a pleasant experience when you know you have covered all of your angles and someone comes from left field to inform you that a person in Compliance created a new rule last week that you now need to follow. It is even less pleasant when the rule that Compliance created does not prevent or detect anything. It is just a rule for the sake of creating more job security for Compliance......WHAT?

The world has had people in Compliance as long as people could read and write. There is some actual value that can and has come from Compliance. Let's face it, no one really wants to have their shoes made by a five year-old and miners in the northeast should not need to risk their lives when they clock in at 5:00AM. However, when Compliance creates a rule that you need to pass paperwork from your left hand to your right hand they are just trying to create job security. Sad part is that rules cannot be created all on their own, Vice Presidents and Presidents need to approve these rules. Just think about that the next time you are following a specific rule at the park, at work, or in the classroom. These dumbasses do not have anything better to do than create rules that perpetuate the need for more rules! When the hell did this become a money making scheme? Let us ask Sarbanes and Oxley!

Ok, enough about Worldcom, Auther Anderson, and Enron...Let's be honest about a few things...People smoke cigarettes even though the can be harmful, people drive 45 mph in school zones, and YES, a government flunky sitting in nuclear rocket bunker in Kansas can actually hit the BIG RED button to fire off the nukes even though he did not read the manual! Why can't we just be capitalists, have fun, and make a little money while drinking cold Corona on the beach? Some structure is a good thing, but when the rules serve the purpose of creating overhead and expenses we should all see the writing on the wall. You people in Compliance should get out and drink more! You're pissing me off!

Starting the Day on the Right Foot

It's a figure of expression, the "Right Foot". But because I did not start my day on the right foot, my last post was more about philosophy than about real-life. I am now a few beers in!

When people ask me what I do for a living there are many ways to answer, but most of them sound shady or weird. It is much easier to say that I am a pirate searching for treasure with the intention of sharing the plunder with my customers! Anyway, the life of a pirate is filled with adrenaline, doubt, excitement and the occasional morning where someone feels the need to jump on your case before you have had your first cup of coffee. Normally, I would just brush this off, but seeing as how sleep was not in the cards last night, I was already on a short fuse!

Here is how the day starts, Gloria says "Why did you give Ted authorization to do XYZ? I have not reviewed blah blah blah." Not feeling well myself, I simply replied curiously, "I did?". The response was excellent, "Well, I have an E-mail from Ted with a TPS report and I did not authorize it, so why did you tell him it was OK when you know I am supposed to review the TPS report?" Still in the same frame of mind I reply "Did you read the E-mail and have you verified the TPS report because i have not authorized Ted to do anything". Here is where it gets interesting...Gloria concludes the conversation by saying "You don't need to use that attitude with me" and walks away without acknowledging that she started a confrontation simply by not reading an E-mail.

Needless to say, I was a little irritated at this scenario. I'm trying to take a sip of my coffee and it is interrupted by Gloria's accusations and her little rant about attitude. I couldn't just let that go. Even a pirate that has been drinking rum all day would feel compelled to cross blades with that one. So, knowing I was holding all the cards, I walked to Gloria's desk and asked "How did we get started on the wrong foot this morning"? I work with Gloria daily so it is important i clear the air so we can work. At this point Gloria was a little disoriented, probably because she is not accustom to direct confrontation. Gloria responds "Well you were talking to me with that attitude and ...." I had to interrupt and say "Do you remember the first thing you said to me this morning"? She thought for a minute and said "No". This is where having a photographic memory comes in handy! I responded "The first thing you said to me is "Why did you...." and you put me on the defensive position because you didn't read the information in your inbox. A piece of advice, If you want people to speak to you with a non-defensive attitude, it is probably better not to kick the day off my accusing someone of doing something that hasn't actually happened". BOOOOOOM!

That cleared the air and we worked well together for the rest of the day, but let that be a lesson to those of you out there who like to stir up trouble. If you want to stir up trouble with someone, don't do it with a non-morning-person before they have had their coffee. It takes a lot of effort for us to put up with your shit so the least you could do is let us get that cup of coffee or tea in our system before you start writing checks your body can't cash!

Problem Solver or Problem Causer?

You ever notice how some people, perhaps you or maybe a friend, seem to have an invisible connection to people, leadership, sports, or something like that allow them to understand and react to problems and obstacles with a kind of natural tendency? You have seen these people! They are the ones in the meeting rooms that speak up when there is actually something important to say and they are the athletes on the field that stay cool even when the other team appears to have the advantage. These are the people who think standing up, run when everyone else walks, and solves the problems while others wait for the problem to be solved. They are problem solvers!

Unfortunately, these problem solvers are not always the most valued assets on their team or in their chosen profession, in-fact they are often seen as obstacles themselves mainly by those who try to make their mark on the world by causing problems. You have also seen these people! These are the Directors of Special Projects, the second-baseman who can't throw to first base, and the Vice Presidents who have no direct reports.  These are the people who go through life with tunnel vision and whether through pedigree, politics, or birth-right still manage to rise up in the ranks of their professions.

Perhaps this a cynical perspective...but let's use a job like buying and selling merchandise at a large corporation to paint a picture. Inside a retail company there are Vice Presidents, Buyers, and Assistants. The Vice Presidents believe their buyers are the cream of the crop, the Buyers believe they know everything and their suppliers know nothing, and the Assistant are the only ones who really know what is going on because they read every piece of information that comes in through the E-mail inbox and answer every phone call. Sales for this company fail to meet the expectations of Wallstreet for five straight quarters all the while the Vice Presidents and the Buyers blame poor performance on the weather and the Assistants are looking for jobs outside of the company because they see the writing on the wall. For the sixth quarter in a row the company fails to meet sales and profit expectations and the company makes a public announcement that they are going through bankruptcy proceedings. The Vice Presidents and Buyers are surprised about this, but they refresh their resumes and send them out to the other retailers in the market who are more financially stable in the hopes that they will secure a job. Some of the Vice Presidents are fortunate and are able to secure jobs as Presidents and Vice Presidents of other companies, and it is the same story for the Buyers. Unfortunately the most of the Assistants were not as fortunate in finding jobs and some of them were laid-off prior to bankruptcy declaration so that some of the officers of the company could have a better severance package.

Keep a couple of things in mind, this company had problem solvers and problem causers. Also, the people with the ability to change and impact the company for better or for worse were the Vice Presidents and the Buyers. The people who had the ability to restore the company and didn't, either because they didn't know how or didn't want to listen to the people who did, were re-hired and in some cases promoted to the heads of other companies.

The moral of the story is that if you are really good at what you do, and have been in your position for more than two years, you are probably irreplaceable. If you have no clue what is going on, drink more than four cups of coffee a day, and talk more about golf and college football than you do about your job then you are probably a self-centered ass who steps over other people on your climb up the corporate ladder. Advice for new graduates entering the workforce, become an entrepreneur, run your own company and have a lot of fun doing it because the alternative is to fight your way into a great paying job where you are forced to work with people who bury their heads so far up their Vice President's ass that if the Vice President were to have a hemorrhoid operation your brown-nosing colleague would be decapitated!  Be a problem solver! You may be frustrated at times, but at the end of the day people need problem solvers, they don't need two assholes!

A Pirate's Life for Me

I often wonder if there is a specific purpose that we have in our lives. If there is, I am not sure what my purpose is, but I envy those who do!

To understand what I am writing about you first need to know a little about me! Not much to tell...I am an educated middle aged man with a diverse background in finance, accounting, information systems, and merchandising who enjoys learning new skills and meeting new people. In short, I am Jason Bourne!!

I have one of the greatest jobs in the world, but even a guy with a great job can have a tough day. My job is about relationships, understanding how people and companies work, and figuring out the best ways to leverage this knowledge to buy merchandise! OK, when worded like that it does not sound that exciting, but you will just need to trust me on this one! The job is a game of accomplishing objectives while at the same time dealing with people and obstacles who stand in the way. The truth is that things could be a lot more simple, but if it were simple, they would not need someone like me to do it.

Funny thing about where I work is that you are supposed to learn as much as you can, as fast as you can while retaining that knowledge. However, when you are really good at learning and retaining knowledge you will often hit a glass ceiling because you will find yourself in interviews, conversations, and evaluations where people on the other end of a table find themselves incapable of understanding how any one person could learn so much! WHAT? So you spend your career learning as much as you can and now you are labeled, without merit or cause, of not being able to know what you know simply because the person on the other side of the table lacks the mental fortitude to understand that there are people in this world who are actually smarter than they are!

So how would Jason Bourne handle this situation? Well, for starters he would probably not spend any longer than ten minutes talking with someone who knew less than he did, and since he can't even remember his own name the person on the other end of the table in this scenario would know less than that. Also, Jason Bourne would likely perform some martial arts followed by a couple of broken limbs because he cannot tolerate people who stand in his way, even though he does have a good heart! It is sometimes difficult to confront people like this, but at the end of the day your sanity will eventually require action, what kind of action is up to you, but let's be reasonable.

There will always be people in this world who want to help you out, stand in your way, or ride on the waves you make. If you are intelligent then take a careful and calculated look at the world you work in and live in and make a decision on how you can move forward. It is not easy to change and it is even harder to jump into dark and uncharted waters but that may end up being the only place you can find the fulfilling clarity you need to see your purpose in this life or at least find happiness. Unfortunately there are some of us who will struggle to find this happiness but don't give up on that fight. I don't know if Jason Bourne ever found happiness but I am sure he had a sense of fulfillment.

I want that sense of fulfillment and I want my family and friends to know it too. I am not sure what action I am going to take to achieve it but it is exciting the think about the prospect of starting something on my own. There are many ideas I have that are at arms reach and all I need to do is take those ideas and act. Afterall, the worst thing that could happen is that I will fail. I am going to become a pirate, sail the uncharted waters and maybe I will find some treasure along the way!